Addison left her shoes behind on 4-30-10 to walk bare foot with Jesus on the streets of gold

Addison left her shoes behind on 4-30-10 to walk bare foot with Jesus on the streets of gold

Sunday, December 26, 2010

~8 Months~

A Christmas ornament given to us in appreciation by "Life Gift". (The donor company that Addison was a heart valve donor for)

Christmas ornaments of Addison given to us from her MiMi & Papa

It's hard to believe that 8 months ago yesterday (Christmas Day), that my sweet baby girl was born. It just seems so unreal that 8 months ago she was born..and that she's not here with us today.. I wanted to update yesterday because it was Christmas Day and was the 8 month mark of Addison's birth. It was a hard day..and I just never had time,energy or emotional strength to think of the words to say.. It's the 26th, the day after Christmas..and I still feel at a loss for words, but I'm going to try hard. Here I go..
The past 8 months have been such a roller coaster. It's been exciting,scary,painful,and many other things..but the Lord has gotten us where we are today..and continues to bring us far from the despair we were in right after losing Addison. We still deeply hurt and miss her, but we also know we will see her again..and we look forward to our future with Landon. It's been such a hard time in our lives, but also a joyful one, as we found out we have our second blessing on the way..and are looking forward to meeting our Landon Michael early April. So many emotions in the last 8 months...and yet so much comfort from our Father in heaven who is holding and loving our baby girl for us. The holidays have been extremely hard for us..we have missed Addison more and more as Thanksgiving and Christmas got closer, and on those days..we ached and hurt, missing her, and wishing she was her. It was so hard not having her here to give presents to, and to love on, and spend her first Christmas together as a family of 3 (almost 4). I miss her terribly, and long to see her again..and I have never had so many mixed emotions on Christmas. It's been really hard. Just seems like she should be here with us..but she's not..and having to be "ok" with that is not always easy. I'm so thankful for the hope we have and the fact that we could celebrate Christ birth and Him coming to save us to give us that hope. It's neat to think that our daughter is with the Savior of the world..and that she spent her first Christmas with Him in heaven. While we ache and hurt, and miss her, and always will, we know that her being in heaven is exactly what the Lord wanted..and that we will be reunited with her someday. That brings us comfort. There has been a lot going on in the last couple weeks regarding my pregnancy with Landon, and I would like to share some of what's going on. When we lost Addison, we were wanting some answers, as to what happened to her that caused so many complications after having a perfectly healthy pregnancy. It was so hard to understand why she was perfectly fine, and then when I went into labor she was in distress, and the doctors and all the professionals we dealt with, had no idea what went wrong. We received the autopsy results that gave us no answers, and we were so confused, as well as the doctors that explained it to us. We decided that we may never know what happened to Addison, and that we will just trust God's providence and plan for her short life. It's been hard to wrap our minds around the fact that He loves her so much more than we do, and just wanted her to be with Him, but He's helped us to accept this, and come to a place where we have a peace about it. After we found out we were pregnant again, my OB told me that I'm a high risk pregnancy, because of my story with Addison, and that he would be sending me to a high risk specialist in the 3rd trimester. He told me they would both monitor me well, and try and answer any questions I had this time around. It put my mind at ease knowing that I would be seeing a specialist.. A few weeks ago, at one of my appointments, my OB said, "Well..I was going to send you to the specialist in the 3rd trimester, but you're at 21 weeks, and I would like to go ahead and send you, so you can get used to going to him..I think it would be good to get in their system and start seeing him." I thought it was a good idea as well, and was glad that I could meet the new doctor soon. We went to my first appointment with the specialist about a week or so later, and after hearing my whole story about Addison, and reviewing my charts and records, the doctor told me he was concerned about the size of my placenta with Addison, and that it wasn't "full term" size. He told us he was concerned that I may have a clotting disorder that restricted growth to the placenta which caused complications for Addison in the end. It was hard to hear the news,and I was scared for Landon. I didn't know what to think. He sent me for lots of blood testing that same day, and we got the results about a week and a half later. We found out that I do have a clotting disorder, and it's a "Protein S Deficiency". I was shocked that the Specialist picked up on this so quickly, and that I actually had what he thought I did. I'm so thankful that my OB sent me to the specialist early and that he caught what's wrong with me. It's such a God thing, that I was sent earlier on than planned, and that I was sent to such a great Specialist. He is taking great care of me. Basically Addison outgrew the placenta and that caused problems during labor..she had a huge lack of oxygen and that's what caused all her complications. It was scary finding all this out, because I was concerned that the doctor might not have caught this in time for Landon. He put me on blood thinner shots and said that it will help allow full growth to the placenta, which will help Landon grow healthy and strong and allow him to have plenty of oxygen. Everything should be fine, now that I'm taking the shots. There is a 45% infant loss rate when not treated listed as one of the complications of a clotting disorder such as the "Protein S" disorder that I have, but when treated for this, almost 100% of women don't have any complications in the end. we know that Addison passed away from these complications, but it's a miracle that she made it to full term. Most women experience infant loss in the 1st or 2nd trimester with this disorder if it's not treated. Since I'm being treated for it, everything should be fine. We are just praying for Landon's safe,healthy arrival into the world, and we are trusting that God knows best. We know Landon is the Lord's baby, and not ours, and that He is taking care of him for us, and we are trusting that He will allow him to get here healthy. It's been a really scary time for us, just learning all this news, and it's been hard to trust in the Lord's plan everyday..but we know He's trustworthy. I would just ask you to please pray for me as I am doing these shot treatments, that my body would get used to the medicine and that it would allow everything to grow healthy,including Landon. It's been an adjustment to say the least..but Stephen has been so good to help me with the shots (I'm too chicken to do them I'm GLAD I have him!). One of the side affects is nausea..and I have experienced some nausea with the medicine after each shot dose,and yes, they hurt and my sides feel sore,but I know this is helping me and Landon to be healthy. It's worth it. I know the Lord will get me through the treatments,and I will be able to tell Landon what God did some day. Also, for our comfort and peace in knowing this is probably what caused Addison's death..and just trusting in God's plan for her. It's good having answers..but hard to process.. but we are SO thankful that the Specialist has found out what's wrong with me, and how to fix it. I'm so grateful for that. It's such a blessing to have such awesome doctors and staff looking after me and Landon. I'm so thankful He is taking care of us, and has Addison in His arms, safe and healthy. I miss her so much, but I am so thankful for the time the Lord gave her to us. Thank-you for your continued prayers and support. We really appreciate it. It's been a hard 8 months..but the Lord continues to get us through it, and carry us when we can't go on. He has proved Himself faithful to us time and time again..and we thank Him for that and are grateful for His leading and growing in our lives. Please be in prayer for a continued healthy pregnancy and healthy Landon, and that the Lord would continue to bring comfort to our hurting hearts, but also a peace and joy as we look forward to the future with our little man. Also, please be in prayer for my older sister Rachel, who is 5 weeks ahead of me in her pregnancy. We found out that my clotting disorder is genetic, and so she went to be tested as well, and is waiting on the results. I'm praying she is fine, and doesn't have the disorder as well,and I'm trusting in God's plan. Please pray for her comfort and peace..and that if she does have the disorder, that she will get on the medicine quickly. The wonderful thing is that the doctors can treat this. It's so good to know that they have found a way to take care of these clotting disorders. Thank-you for loving us, and praying for us during the past 8 months,and for continuing to do so. We really appreciate the prayers and really helps to know we are being lifted up to the Father. I know this post was really long, but wanted to share a little more of what's been going on. Thanks for reading to know how to pray! Hope you have had a wonderful Christmas, and also a very Happy New Year!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

~ 7 Months~

Today is a very bittersweet day... It's Thanksgiving Day, a time to give thanks to the Lord for all we have been given and all He has done for us. It's a day that comes every year, but we should be giving thanks to God every day, because He's given Jesus Christ His Son and so much more to us than we deserve. Psalm 100:4-5 says, "Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise. Be thankful to Him, and bless His name. For the LORD is good; His mercy is everlasting, and His truth endures to all generations." It's clear that we should be thankful to Him and bless His name, because He's so good to us, and it's clear that we should be doing this all the time, not just on Thanksgiving Day. This Thanksgiving (and always) I have SO much to be thankful for, and I praise the Lord for His many provisions in my life. He has given me salvation through His death on the cross for my sins, and because of my faith and trust in Him alone, I will live forever with Him in eternity someday. I'm thankful for that. I'm also thankful for my family, and my husband who love me unconditionally,for Addison Lynn, our first precious blessing,and for our second precious blessing, Landon Michael who we prayed for and the Lord granted our request and gave him to us, and friends,a place to live,food,a car, and all the things the Lord has given to me. He is so good, and I don't deserve what He's given me. Thank-you Lord for what you have done for me, and continue to do. You have given me so much, and I am thankful.

Today also marks 7 months since our precious Addison was born, so she turns 7 months old in heaven today. I can't believe how fast the months have gone by...sometimes it seems like it was just yesterday that we heard our sweet girl was in distress and seems like yesterday that she was here and then gone 6 short days later... but other times it seems like it's been years, because it's so hard without her here. It's so hard, because I miss her so much, but I'm so thankful for what I do have at the same time. Those two emotions at once are hard to deal with... I ache and hurt all over today, because she's not here, and I miss her so terribly much, yet I have a peace in knowing I will see her again. I'm so thankful for that, and I'm giving thanks for my blessings today, even in the midst of the pain and hurt I'm feeling. Addison was such a precious little miracle baby, and I just can't get over how beautiful she was, and that the Lord chose Stephen and I to be her Mommy and Daddy. We are blessed beyond measure to have had her for the 6 short days that we did, but also the 9 months we had her in my womb. We are still grieving her death, but we are also looking forward to our future, and what God has in store for us. Not that we forget her, and move on, but we press on knowing that the Lord will be with us, and has more blessings for us. We are looking forward to Landon Michael being with us, and we are so thankful and blessed to know we have a son on the way! He is already so special to us, in fact he was special to us from the moment we found out we were having another baby, and then when we found out he was a boy, we we were even more thrilled. God is good to us. I'm looking forward to holding him in my arms and taking him home to love forever and ever.. What an amazing time we have ahead of us. I know Addison is safe in heaven with Jesus, but especially on days like today, I just wish I could "borrow" her for a little bit, and have her here with me, but I know she is doing much better with her heavenly Father. I'm sure they are having a blast today, and I can only imagine how my Jesus is loving on my daughter. That thought blesses my heart and comforts me. Thank-you for your continued prayers for us. We really appreciate it! You are a blessing! I would like to share a short 32 second video that I found (that I forgot I had) of us with Addison. Stephen is holding her, and I'm putting a bow on her, and Auntie Beth was trying to take a picture but was actually recording we get this precious video. I will cherish it forever, because it's one of three short,short videos we have of her.. I only wish I would have taken more video of her short, sweet life. I'm just thankful for the time we had with her, and we will always remember her through the memories and pictures we have of her. She was one special baby girl, and she is whole and perfect in heaven with Jesus. Praise the Lord. "I will enter his gates with thanksgiving in my heart, I will enter His courts with praise. I will say this is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice for He has made me glad.."

Monday, October 25, 2010

~6 Months~

You can click on the pictures to see a larger's hard to see what I wrote on them.. is a day that I was looking forward to since before Addison was born, because it would mark the 6 month of her life...and I was so looking forward to seeing what she would be like at 1 month,2,3,4,5, and 6 months, and then a year..and so on. That was before I knew I would be dreading this day of her turning 6 months old in heaven... I had no idea..that she wouldn't be here with us, for us to raise..and watch her grow into a Godly lady. I had no idea that my dreams of bringing her home wouldn't come true.. I am glad that the Lord doesn't show us His full plan before it happens, because I wouldn't have been ok with Him taking her to heaven. If I had known what would happen..I would have written a different story and given it to the Lord to make happen. I don't like how my story is going right now...I don't like the fact that I don't have a baby in my arms, a baby to raise, to fill my time's the worst thing that's happened to me..ever. You know what? It's not my's HIS story..and I am learning to be thankful that He is the writer of my story, because in letting Him write my story..He will get more glory that way..and I want it that way. Yes, I wish things could be different...I wish I could go back to April 25th, 2010 and go into labor all over again..if it only meant that I could have a healthy baby girl, Addison Lynn to take home with me...but I can't. I can't..and I won't be able to erase what God has already written for me... a beautiful in His eyes story. The story that is shaping who I am..and the story that I will tell forever. He is still scripting the beautiful story of mine, and you know what? He's not finished with me yet. I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful that He is not done with my story,because over the past 6 months He has given me comfort during the difficult chapters of my book. If He had only allowed Addison to die, and then leave me and not help me through this time..I wouldn't know what to do. I would be hurting all alone..with NO comfort from the ONLY one who CAN comfort! It would be horrible to try and piece all this together on my own...but that's not how it is. He has been there for me, and He continues to be here for me. He is bringing comfort and peace to my worn out, broken heart and soul, and I'm so thankful He understands my heart like no one else can or ever will. My Savior understands hurt and pain..and no one else knows me like He does. The last 6 months have been extremely difficult to say the least. Many things have happened with my story, and it's been hard to let the Lord have the glory for it all. Sometimes..I just want to hide away..and not have to open up and share about it..and then the Lord tells me to do differently. There are days when people ask about my family, and how many kids I have..and sometimes I honestly feel like I don't want to explain, because it hurts..but then other times..I just want to share about Addison..because I can't talk about her without pointing to Christ who is getting me through this each day. I am thankful for my story..even though it's painful..I'm thankful that I can share Christ with others through what has happened to me. It's very hard...and the last few weeks..I have just been overwhelmed by the grief. just hits me like it did right when it happened..and I feel so lonely and hurt..and the only thing I can do is run to the Lord..and ask Him to comfort me. He is giving me strength to endure...and press on..and I can't do it without Him. I'm so glad that, "In the day when I cried out, YOU answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul. Psalm 138:3" He really does answer me and give me a bold strength when I call on Him.. "This is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior, all the day long!" I would like to express my deepest gratitude for all of you who have loved on us and cared for us during this time. Without your prayers, love and support we couldn't survive..and ultimately without the Lord's help and strength..but you all have encouraged us. Thanks so much for loving us like Jesus would. Casting Crowns has a song called, "Love Them Like Jesus" and one of the verses really hits home to me. Not only can I relate to the verse, but it expresses how I feel about those of you who have truly cared for us..

The gifts lie in wait, in a room painted blue
Little blessing from Heaven would be there soon
Hope fades in the night, blue skies turn to grey
As the little one slips away

You’re holding their hand, you’re straining for words
You’re trying to make sense of it all
They’re desperate for hope, darkness clouding their view
They’re looking to you

Just love them like Jesus, carry them to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don’t need the answers to all of life’s questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus

Lord of all creation holds our lives in His hands
The God of all the nations holds our lives in His hands
The Rock of our salvation holds our lives in His hands
He cares for them just as He cares for you

So love them like Jesus, love them like Jesus
You don’t need the answers to all of life’s questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus

Thank-you for loving us like Jesus...

Friday, October 8, 2010

My Jesus, I love Thee, I know Thou art MINE!

I took this picture of the hibiscus this past Summer, and it just made me smile and think of God's I wanted to share the picture...

The Lord has been teaching me so many things through my pain. I have woken up many nights restless, and go straight to His word, and with out fail, EVERY time I do He shows me something else that I really need to see. He has encouraged my aching,hurting,heavy heart, and I'm so thankful that MY Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever. He is still the same. There are SO many emotions I am feeling these days, and I am overwhelmed with grief and joy at the same time. It's hard to have both at the same time. I know that it's normal to still miss my baby girl (I always will)but have joy in my heart for the second special blessing that's on the way. A Mommy's heart will always love her children no matter what, and for me, It's loving Addison in heaven and loving the baby on the way. The days are both happy and exciting,and then also very hard and hurtful,but I am encouraged by my Lord's faithfulness to me. I want to share some scripture that the Lord has shown me recently (a friend asked if I would share some of the verses I have found with her, and I decided to put them on here so everyone could be encouraged as I was). Here is some of the scripture the Lord has been using in my life: (Be prepared to read!) :)

Let us hold fast the confession of our HOPE without wavering, for HE who promised IS faithful. Hebrews 10:23

Look to the LORD and HIS strength; seek HIS face always. Psalm 105:4

But I trust in YOUR unfailing love; my heart rejoices in YOUR salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for He has been good to me. Psalm 12:5-6

I have set the Lord always before me, because HE IS at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Psalm 16:8

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. Philippians 3:7-8

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through HIM who gives me strength. Philippians 4:12-13 (I am trying hard to live out being content in any and every situation...)

Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad. Proverbs 12:25 (I am trying hard to keep myself in HIS word so I don't get depressed by anything.)

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by PRAYER and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God, and the PEACE of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 (I am thankful that when I pray to God, and give Him my concerns, He gives me that peace that passes all understanding..)

Be merciful to me, Oh God, be merciful to me! For me soul TRUSTS in YOU; and in the shadow of YOUR wings I will make my refuge, until these calamities have passed by. Psalm 57:1

YOU number my wanderings; put my tears into Your bottle; are they not in Your book? Psalm 56:8 (I'm thankful that the Lord takes interest in every tear we cry..I sure have shed a lot of tears, but I glad that He cares about each one..)

In the day when I cried out, YOU answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul. Psalm 138:3 (I'm so thankful for His strength!)

The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble, those who know YOUR NAME will put their TRUST in YOU; For You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You. Psalm 9:9-10 (The Lord is my refuge, and I'm so glad I have put my trust in Him..)

Hear my cry, O God; attend to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to You, when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been a shelter for me, a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; I will TRUST in the shelter of Your wings. Psalm 61:1-4 (These verses took the words right out of my mouth a few nights ago when I couldn't sleep, and it seemed like the enemy was trying to tear me down, but the Lord showed me this, and I am so glad that He does hear our prayers, and that He is our shelter.)

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit. Psalm 34:17-18 (Isn't it awesome how the Lord is "NEAR to those who have a broken heart"? I definitely have a broken heart, but He is NEAR..)

Well...those are just some of the many verses God has shown me in the last few months, and I wanted to share them with you. I hope you are encouraged as I was (and am). Each one has a special meaning to me, and the Lord showed each one to me at the times when I needed it. I'm thankful that He is my best friend, and that He loves me and shows me His truth through His word...

Saturday, September 25, 2010

~5 Months~

Five months ago today, my sweet, precious baby girl was born. It's so hard to just seems like last week. I feel like she should still be here..sometimes I just want to go see her at the hospital in hopes to bring her home soon..but I know that won't happen. Seems like a bad dream that I will be waking up from soon...but it's not a dream. It's real. She is gone. She won't return...but we will go to her. The past 5 months have been filled with lots of hurt,pain,sadness,loneliness (without her)and much grieving that we have had to deal with daily as it comes in waves and is different every time. The past 5 months have also been filled with lots of joy,excitement and blessings. It's been a roller coaster no doubt. We still miss Addison greatly, and we always will, but knowing that we will see her again gives me such great comfort. I know where she is, and I know the ONE who has her in HIS arms. I'm blessed to know that. The Lord continues to be faithful, and continues to show Himself worthy to be trusted. He is all I have to trust in, and that encourages me, and also greatly scares me. It scares me because putting my full trust in Him at all times is not easy to do...and not knowing what He might want me to do is scary.. Not knowing what He might have us endure next is frightening..but you know what? I know HE WILL be with us NO MATTER WHAT! That's comforting. I was reading through Job..and I feel so encouraged and overwhelmed by his story. The Lord was with him through all of that pain and heartache..and the same GOD that was with Job is with me. I am thankful to know that even in our darkest hour,day,weeks months or years..that HE alone will be faithful to walk along side us. I could write so much more, because my heart is very heavy, but I also know that it could take days to say what's on my heart. (Y'all don't want to read much more..and I don't want to type much more) So...with that...I will say, thank-you for your continued prayers and support. We love you, and appreciate so much your interest and care for us. I don't know what the future holds for us, but I do know who holds the future..and because of that I can rejoice in what He's going to do. Please continue to pray for us, and know that we will be hurting for a long time..but through your prayers and ultimately the Lord's help..we will get through this darkest time of our lives. We will see Addison again someday, and I can't wait for that day. For now..I am trusting in the God who is faithful...

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

~Memories of our Addison~

I'm so glad that we have the memories and pictures we have of our sweet Addison. It helps me to see some of her things to remind me of the short time we had with her, and how much we treasured every moment. She was our precious baby girl..and we miss her so much. I can't wait to see her again. I'm so thankful that we have the hope that we have. I wanted to share some of our memories of her that are really special to us...

Two of my favorite pairs of Addison's shoes

Her Jesus Loves Me blankie

Her cute little hand & foot mold

A mold of Addison's tiny little foot

A mold of Addison's tiny little hand

Addison's frame (sorry about the reflection of the bed in the picture)It hangs above her shelf of stuffed animals and books... It's precious.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

4 Months Later....

It's so hard to believe that it's been 4 months since our baby girl was born, and then just a few short days later, went to be with Jesus. Sometimes it seems like it happened yesterday and other times it feels like forever being here with out her. The Lord continues to sustain Stephen and I, and we are so thankful for HIS blessings in our lives! Our latest blessing, is that we are expecting another bundle of joy sometime late March. We are thrilled! I only wish Addison was here to be the big sister to this baby and that they could grow up together, but I know that's not the Lord's plan for us. She is with Him and that brings my soul delight to know that I will see her again! We miss her terribly, and will never forget her impact in our lives. We look forward to this second blessing with hope, and joy, and we are just blessed by this miracle. So much has happened since Addison was here. It seems as if the world around us keeps on going, but sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in the week of April 25th. The Lord has been gracious to me and my healing. He has shown me so many things, and I am grateful for the chance to grow even closer to my savior. It will always be different without Addison, but we look forward to the future when we will see her again..and she can show us around heaven. :) I could write so much more, but my heart is heavy..and I would stay here too long. In times like these..I just have to take the rest to the Lord.. He has continued to prove HIMSELF faithful to us by loving us, taking care of our needs and showing us the truth of HIS word! God is so good. I would like to share a very sweet poem that my incredible husband wrote for me just the other night. He truly shared his heart in this poem, and I asked him if it would be ok to post what he wrote. (He agreed) I am so blessed with such a Godly man who is there for me, and leads me! I love you Stephen!
Here is the poem:

"I Remember That Day"
Stephen Deason - August 25th,2010

I Remember that Day
Just like Yesterday
For the two I held so dear

Heart Stopping…
Jaw Dropping…
No Words to say
Whatever time was that day

Time stood still
With only prayers to fill
The unexpected that day
Would make some turn away

But You, Oh Lord, are my rock
Shepard of the flock
Do not forget me on this day
Use me Lord I pray

I put my Trust in You
May I be among the few
Praising you
In all I do

Though Time stands still
Lord God, I submit to your will
In my weakness you are strong
In Your arms I belong

Thank you God for my wife
It was You who gave her life
You brought her back to me
Filling my life with glee

My daughter is in your hand
This was in your plan
Not till Heaven will I see
My daughter smiling back at me

Your praise I will forever sing
Putting me under your wing
Now my little girl in the arms of Christ is found
Fret not, I am Heaven bound

We are both so excited to know that we are heaven bound and that we will see the Lord face to face someday...
Thank you for your continued prayers and support!!! We really appreciate it!!! Lots of love to you all!

Monday, July 26, 2010

3 Months ago...

3 months ago on April 25th, 2010 around 10:45pm, I went into labor a week early and was not doing well from the time I entered the hospital. I was not able to handle the contractions well and couldn't breathe well, because Addison was in distress which caused my body to be distressed as well. I was put on Oxygen and was given an epidural,yet even still, my body was very much still writhing in pain, and I could not make myself relax and calm down. My body was very stressed and overwhelmed with a baby inside who was not doing well. My water broke right before the epidural, and to my horror, the fluid was a greenish/black which was meconium from Addison being in distress. I knew right away that it wasn't good, because it would most likely get into her lungs (as it often does to babies). The nurse informed me that this happens sometimes, and that they would treat Addison through my IV with an antibiotic that would help her, and that most likely she would be fine..but would need to be in the NICU for a few days. After the epidural, the Doctor informed me that Addison really was not doing well, and that he was going to need to do an emergency C-Section to get her out before she dies. Within 15 min. of him telling me that, they had prepped me and taken me back to the E.R where Stephen met me soon after, and they began to quickly deliver Addison. It was such a scary and exciting time, because I was being cut open while my baby girl was inside me in distress for reasons unknown and unexplainable At the same heart was leaping and pounding, because the moment I had been waiting for 9 months was coming baby girl was going to be here soon! I was scared to death, and felt like it had to be a bad dream when they pulled her out of me, and immediately started to resuscitate her. There she was on that table fighting for her life..and I was on the operating table completely helpless. It's a time in my life that I will NEVER forget. All of my hopes and dreams seemed like they were being crushed by a huge weight of sorrow. The doctor and nurses worked fast to close up the huge hole on my stomach, and before I knew it, we were on our way to the recovery room. I was in a room without my baby girl, and she was in the NICU fighting to stay alive, unable to hear her Mommy and Daddy's voice, and feel the love and closeness of being in our arms. She was in there struggling, fighting, and without us to be there and tell her we love her. The next few moments in that recovery room where almost that of a horrific nightmare that one could never imagine until it's happening right before you. The NICU nurses and Doctor came into the room while Stephen ,his mom, Rachel and Thomas were all in there with me, and the words they said were the most terrifying words I've ever heard. They told me that Addison was very, very sick, and that she not only had meconium in her lungs, but blood as well. They said that they had done everything they could to get as much of it out of her lungs as they could, but that she was very frail and that she would need to be sent over to the Cook Children's Hospital NICU, because of the technology and equipment they have, and because her situation was so bad, she would need to be treated there. They told us that they were going to prepare her for the trip over there, and that they would try their best to bring her in the room to let us see her before they had to leave, but they couldn't promise anything. I screamed and yelled in agonizing disbelief at what was happening. This was my baby girl..she was supposed to be fine, and be in MY ARMS!! WHY was God allowing this??? WHERE was HE??? All these things were racing through my head. The nurse seemed so insensitive to us, as we were all visibly upset and crying, and she didn't seem to slow down so we could catch our breath and understand. There just wasn't time for her to take much time in explaining everything, because Addison needed to get to the other hospital. They left the room in a very hurried way, and about 10 min. later they wheeled my baby girl in the room all enclosed in a clear box, and she was hooked up to a lot of cords. We couldn't touch her, but we could see her, and they briefly explained what everything was for, and then they had to leave. They took her away, and I felt helpless once again! It wasn't until 2 days later, that I was released from the hospital I was at, and I was able to make my way to Cook's where Addison was, and see her up close and touch her for the very first time. I will never forget that day, and how I felt when I saw my baby girl in that NICU with SO many things hooked up to her small body. She was 6 pounds, 6 ounces, 20 inches long, and was just beautiful. She had her Daddy’s nose and her Mommy’s toes, and she was ours, a beautiful, wonderfully made by God, blessing. It just took my breath away when I saw how sick she was, and how small and delicate she was. I couldn’t believe that someone so small was hooked up to so much equipment and yet…it couldn’t help her. Only the Lord could miraculously heal her. The Doctor and nurses that cared for our Addison were so wonderful to explain in detail what was going on with our baby. They helped us understand that she was very sick, and that she might not make it. I will never forget hearing the results of the brain test that they did on her multiple times. We met with the doctor, and she told us that in all the test that they had done, Addison showed absolutely no brain activity what so ever, and she didn’t have a gag reflex. This meant that our baby would not be able to pull out of it, and live. They told us that we would have to take her off life support 5 days after she was born, and we waited for my family to get in town, and on the 6th day of her short life, after everyone had held her, loved on her and prayed over her, we had to say goodbye. They all left the room and Stephen and I both got to hold her for a little bit, and then we both looked at each other and had a peace, and decided it was “time”. We told the doctor and nurses that we were ready to take her off life support, and they unplugged that machine and immediately I thought she was gone. She was not gone yet though, and I realized that after they led us to a room where we held her and loved her for 45 minutes while she breathed on her own. She was only taking very small, short breaths that were too far apart to keep her alive, and at 7:15 pm, she took her last breath and went to be with Jesus. Stephen and I both got to hold her before she died, and we told her we loved her dearly and that she didn’t have to fight anymore. We told her to go see Jesus, and that we would see her again someday, and that she would be safe with HIM. She went peacefully, and for that, I am grateful. I didn’t want to see her in pain. Burying our daughter was the hardest thing I have ever done, and I would not have been able to get through it without the Lord’s sustaining mercy. He has been with us through this most difficult time every step of the way, and continues to sustain us 3 months later. We are ever grateful for the things He has shown us during this time, and we are blessed to know that our sweet baby has changed the lives of many! God is good to us. He gave us Addison Lynn for 9 months and 6 days, but HE decided to take her home with Him and to that, we will say, “Blessed Be The NAME of The LORD.” The song below, “While I’m Waiting” by John Waller, has meant so much to me in the last several months, because I am trying to patiently wait for what the Lord has next. We don’t know what His plan is for us, and what the next step is, but we know HE holds our future. I rejoice in knowing that my Lord has taken care of me always, and during this darkest time of my life, He is STILL there for me. It’s still very hard, and there are days where I am short of breath because I miss her so much, but He has not failed to take care of me and get me through this. He is holding my hand all the way, and I am grateful for that. Lord, Jesus, may Addison’s story bless and encourage others who are struggling and may many come to know you in the years to come, because of our missionary baby who has touched the lives of many. Thank-you for giving her to us for a short time, and for taking such good care of her. We love you Jesus, and we want to continue to shine like You. Please help us as we continue to wait for YOU and what YOU have planned for us. Amen.
I know this was VERY long, but I wanted to share my heart with you and let you know more about my baby girl. With Love,

This song is my prayer..
"While I'm Waiting"
-John Waller-
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Saturday, July 10, 2010

1 year

It's so hard to believe it's been 1 year since I married the love of my life, my best friend, Stephen Deason. I wanted to post this on our anniversary, 7-3-10 but I didn't have time, because we were celebrating the day! Now I would like to take some time to reflect on the past year. WOW! A lot has happened in 1 year! It seems like it's been 4 or 5 years since we got married just because so much was packed into the past year! God has been so good to us. He brought us together,and that was a huge blessing. I always wanted to grow up and marry the love of my life,and to know that he was "the one" after meeting him. God blessed me in that way, because after Stephen and I starting dating, I just knew he was the one for me,and that I would marry him some day. He is such an amazing husband,and I am blessed beyond measure with him! We have been through so much together,and I wouldn't trade this past year for anything. It's been awesome to grow closer to the Lord,and to each other over the past year. God has done great things for us. He has provided in so many ways,and we are grateful. We have been able to experience so many things together from joy,and excitement to the worst possible grief we could have never imagined. Throughout the past year we have learned so much about sacrificial love for the Lord and for each other. God has used the situations He put us in to strengthen our faith in Him. He allowed us to be the proud parents of Addison Lynn for 9 months and 6 days..and we grew so much closer to each other and to the Lord during my pregnancy. We have been very close for a long time,but when something like pregnancy comes into the draws you closer to each other, because you rely on each other so much. Stephen has been such a huge help to me in the past year. He was such a good,strong support for me during my pregnancy with Addison,and he did whatever I needed him to questions asked. He has been so faithful to always put my needs first..and to treat me like a Queen. He has shown a great sacrificial love to me over and over again..and I can never thank him enough for all that he has done for our little family. His love and encouragement has been such a blessing,and has helped me get through some of the hardest times. He has led me spiritually,and strives to be a Godly example for me,and I am grateful for that. Stephen is the absolute love of my life..and I don't know what I would do without him. I love him so much,and thank God for him everyday. I'm looking forward to many,many more years together..and can't wait to see what God has for us in the future. It's been a year since we were married,and God has done so much for us in that year..and then some. Stephen, I love you so much,and can never thank the Lord enough for putting you in my life. You are such a blessing. Thanks for all that you do for me,and for loving me the way you do. I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you. Love, Your wife

Here is a link to our wedding slide show. It brought back lots of good memories for me...(I think you will have to highlight it and copy it into the browser window. For some reason it's not working like a "link" where you can just click on it.)

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Slaying my GIANTS

I am up at 1:00 A.M, because the Lord has shown me some things, and we have had a special time together. Just HIM,HIS WORD,and me. I am so happy about this..I just had to get on here to share. Here it is: (get a coke,and a snack...this might be a while..) ;)

We all know the story of David & Goliath, but the Lord has used it to personally speak to me, and has opened my eyes to it in a way that He hasn't before. I will share about it below,but first, here is the summary of the story:

1 Samuel 17:49-51
17:49 -
Then David put his hand in his bag and took out a stone; and he slung it and struck the Philistine in his forehead, so that the stone sank into his forehead, and he fell on his face to the earth.
17:50 -
So David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone, and struck the Philistine and killed him. But there was no sword in the hand of David.
17:51 -
Therefore David ran and stood over the Philistine, took his sword and drew it out of its sheath and killed him, and cut off his head with it. And when the Philistines saw that their champion was dead, they fled.

The Lord showed me that my "GIANT" is the death of Addison, and that I can't let the enemy use that to "defeat" me. It's the biggest "GIANT" I have ever had to face,and yet...the Lord gives me the "stones" from his WORD,and truth that I need daily to defeat IT,and not let IT defeat me. Goliath was a HUGE guy,and I'm sure David was scared to death when he came up to Goliath and had to face him and try to kill him. The Lord gave him the strength and courage to face Goliath,and He helped him win the victory! After the Philistines saw that their "champion" was dead, they fled. When we allow the Lord to help us slay our GIANTS, the enemy will flee...

While facing the GIANT of Addison's death, I can relate to Psalm 143:3-4 that says, "The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground; he makes me dwell in darkness like those long dead. So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed." But, Psalm 73:23-26 says, "Yet I am always with You; You hold me by my right hand. You guide me with Your counsel, and afterward You will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail,but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." This is such an encouragement to me,because I am not alone while I'm facing my GIANT! The Lord is holding my right hand,and will help me fight off the GIANT! He is so good to show me these things,and I am hoping that this encourages you to seek out the GIANTS in your life,and to let the Lord uphold your right hand and help you win the battle. Don't let the enemy get you down,and defeat you! You can do all things through Christ WHO gives you strength! I don't know what GIANTS you're facing...but I do know that we serve the SAME GOD who helped David many years ago fight his GIANT,and He helped David kill him,and win the victory! I don't understand why some trials seem so much more overwhelming than others, but Ecclesiastes 11:5 says, "As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you CANNOT understand the work of God, the Maker of ALL things." I cannot understand the work of God in my life,and it's by His grace that I am where I am today. I know that Proverbs 3:5-6 says that I need to, "Trust in the Lord with all my heart,and lean not on my own understanding;In all my ways acknowledge Him,and He shall direct my path." I will never understand the "why" and the "what if's" but, I know that I need to trust Him to direct my path. I am encouraged by what He has shown me..and I hope it encourages you as well..
Psalm 119:49-50 says, "Remember Your word to Your servant, for You have given me hope. My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life." The Lord has truly given me HOPE in what seems like the darkest time of my life,and He is preserving and sustaining my life... This is not the end of my grief...I will always mourn the loss of my Addison, but knowing that I don't have to do this alone,and that the Lord is helping me to fight the enemy..helps me face each day. He is going to help me fight my GIANTS,and together..we will win the victory! Let's go fight our GIANTS with HIM by our side today...

Friday, June 25, 2010

2 Months Later...

Addison would be 2 months old today if she were here...
It seems so hard to believe that 2 months ago our baby girl was born. She changed our lives,and I will never forget the special time we had with her. I deeply miss her and long for heaven more and more each day. Addison was and is SUCH A HUGE BLESSING to me and Stephen, and we are so honored that God chose us to be her parents. She was just gorgeous..I loved every little detail about her. I feel blessed to have had such a beautiful baby girl. What a dream come true she was and is to me. I can not express what the last couple months have been like. It's just hard to believe that we are where we are today. With Addison being gone,it's been so hard for me to just "pick up" and start a new chapter of my life without her. She was my life for 9 months and 6 days...she was what I thought about daily. I thought of what she was going to be like,and what it would be like to be her Mommy. I'm so glad I was able to at least be able to see those two special things,and so much more. I got to see what she was like..just beautiful and I know what it was like to be her Mommy. It was amazing. It's something I will never forget. She is my special miracle baby,and I cherish every minute I had with her. Oh how I ache and long to see her again. The last couple months have held so much hurt,sadness and pain..but also much joy and excitement as we welcomed our baby girl into the world. I just wanted her to make it...I just thought "if only YOU would HEAL her God...she needs YOU Lord...please...please don't take my baby God...I am not ready to say bye.." It was during the week of Addison's life that I clung to the promise of the hope we have in Christ. I clung to Him and His will for our lives...I hoped for a different plan...but that's not what He wanted to happen. He had a better plan...He took her to be with Him because He loves her SO much that He wanted her to be with Him,and not here with us. He can care for her much better than we ever could. It's still hard to understand why He didn't just let us have her...but I know I can't lean on my own understanding,and that in all my ways I need to ackowledge Him,and He will give me the desires of my heart. After I realized that Addison was not going to make it (about mid week) I had a peace that God really had given me the desires of my heart. He allowed me to marry my Prince and to be a Mommy to a precious baby girl. I will never forget the day I told God that if it brought Him honor and glory to take my baby girl home to heaven that I would rest in knowing that His plan for my life is good,even though I knew it would be hard not to have her here. I told God in that hospital room while I was all alone that I really didn't want to walk this road,but it didn't seem like He had another way..and so I asked Him to give me the grace to do this...and I believe with all my heart that He alone has given me the grace I need to get through this. I'm not saying it's been easy..and that it's something that I've gotten over. It's very difficult,and is so hard not having her here..but God is really good to be here for me 24/7 and I know I can always tell Him about my hurt. He has really comforted me during this time as no one else can..and for that I am grateful. I don't derserve His love for me..and I don't deserve the grace He has shown me. I'm just a sinner saved by grace...and I'm trying to be faithful in all my ways to acknowlidge Him and His love for me. I am just wanting to do my best to serve Him faithfully until the glorious day He calls me home. I want Him to say of me, "well done thou good and faithful servant...well done." and I am looking forward to laying my crowns back at His feet...and then after I see Him face to face..I can't wait for Him to take me on the "grand tour" of heaven with Addison... That's something to look forward to...and I can't wait for that day. In the mean time..I have lots to do for Him. I have to pray every day that HE will give me the strength I need to get through the day and to serve Him faithfully even when it hurts and it's hard.. I am sad when I think of Addison not being here..and I'm still deeply hurting..but God in His mighty mercy and grace is helping to make this time of hurt and pain a sweet time of resting in Him... Please continue to pray for I know you are. We really appreciate it! Continued emotional healing is of course a huge prayer request of ours..but I also need prayer for continued physical healing as well. The physical pain of recovery from a C-Section can seem unbearable to me sometimes..and then it makes my emotional pain stronger and harder to deal with. Please just pray that I wouldn't get discouraged when I hurt too badly to want to do anything...I am trying to lose all my pregnancy weight..and it's going to be a long and hard road...but I know I can do it all through Christ who strengthens me. Thank-you for praying for us daily...and thank-you for being such a blessing to us. We love you all..

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Homesick for Heaven

It seems like the longer it has been since Addison went home to be with Jesus...the more and more "homesick" for heaven I get. I am longing to see Jesus now more than ever before. I long to see Him face to face and to see my baby girl again. I wish so badly that she could be here, and that this never happened...but I know that's not what God wanted for us. I'm learning so much through this difficult time, but there are days that I just wish the Lord could have taught me in a different way that's less painful. I know that HE loves me and has a plan for my life..He has already shown Himself faithful in the plans that He has already unveiled for me,and I just can't wait to see what else He will do with me. He's not finished with me yet...He's not finished with me yet..and the further on I go..I've seen enough to know that I'm not here for nothing. He's on to something good...something that I can't see,understand or plan better than what He's got planned for me. I have the Mercy Me song "Homesick" in me head...and it's really expressing my heart right now...

~Homesick~ -Mercy Me-
You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

I can't wait to see my baby girl again someday..but until that day comes..I will live to know Christ here on the earth..and to serve Him daily even though it's really hard. I know He's not finished with me yet...

Thursday, June 3, 2010

1 Month Later...

It's SO hard to believe it's already been 1 month since our baby girl went home to be with Jesus. Just seems like yesterday I was going into labor in hopes that we would be bringing her home a couple days later as a strong,healthy baby. The Lord had other plans though,and took her to be with Him,and so she will grow up with her heavenly Father. She is there waiting for us to come,and she will show us all around heaven when the Lord brings us home someday. I can't wait for that day! Heaven is sweeter more and more each day,and I long to see my Savior face to face and to hug and hold Addison. She is such a blessing to me,and I am thrilled to call her my daughter. It's really hard not having her here, but I know she is having the best life there in heaven with her Maker. He is raising her far better than we ever could,and is caring for her in a way we never could. It's so neat to think that she gets to experience a very personal relationshp with Jesus that we can not understand until we get there and are with Him too. I am so glad that we can have personal relationship with Christ,because we have put our faith in Him,but I long for the even greater closeness we will have with Him someday in paradise. Addison gets to experience His love and she is now a thriving,healthy girl who now knows how much she was and is still loved. We miss her greatly,but we are so honored and privelidged to know that Jesus loves her SO much that HE wanted her to be in heaven with Him so He went ahead and took her to be with Him. It was a lot sooner than we had ever dreamed,because we dreamed of bringing her home to raise her on this earth..but how special that we were chosen by the Lord to bear this burden and let her go be with Him so soon. I could go on and on about how the Lord is sustaining us,and helping us through this time,and I could share for hours on how He has comforted us during this very difficult time,but I know you don't have enough time to read it...;) The Lord is my rock and my shield and it is through Him alone that I have the strentgh I need to get through each day. I want to share some scripture that the Lord has used to encourage me in the last several weeks and days,and I pray He will do the same for you....

Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold fast the confession of our HOPE without wavering for HE who promised IS FAITHFUL.

Hebrews 6:19
This HOPE we have as an anchor of the soul,a HOPE both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil.

Job 1:21
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Psalm 105:4
Look to the LORD and HIS strength;seek HIS face always.

Psalm 12:5-6
But I trust in YOUR unfailing love;my heart rejoices in YOUR salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for HE has been good to me.

Psalm 16:8
I have set the LORD always before me. Because HE is at my right hand,I WILL NOT be shaken.

Thank-you again for all your prayers,love and support during this time! We really appreciate it!!! You are a blessing!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

~Addison Lynn~ Safe in the arms of Jesus

A Testimony of:
~Addison Lynn Deason~
From: Her Mommy, Ginny Lynn Deason

I was given the great honor, joy, and privilege to carry my sweet and precious baby girl, Addison Lynn for 9 months in my womb. What an incredible blessing! From the day I found out I was pregnant, and even before we found out we were having a girl, I loved that baby more than I can say. The first time I felt her move and kick inside me, I was in awe of the Lord’s amazing miracle of life growing in me. I was completely overwhelmed with joy and excitement the first time Stephen and I heard her amazing and strong heartbeat. From the time I was old enough to hold a baby doll in my arms, I wanted so badly to grow up and marry my “Prince Charming” and to experience the joy of being a Mommy. Well, I grew up, and found my Prince who loves me deeply and tells me that every day through not only his words, but his actions as well. Not only did I find my husband, but I became a Mommy also, and I can truly say that the Lord has given me the desires of my heart! Even though Addison can no longer be here with her Mommy and Daddy, we know that she is safe in the arms of Jesus, and that He is taking good care of her. He loves her very much, and we know that we will get to see her again some day. Until that day comes…we will live to serve and honor the Lord, and we pray that in doing so, many would come to know the Lord, and they will get to spend eternity with Him like Addison and us (her parents). We know that we will spend eternity in heaven with Him, because the Bible so clearly tells us in Romans 10:9, “That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Sweet friend or family member, I pray that you too have made that decision, and that I will get to spend eternity in heaven with you as well. I would like to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the prayers, love and support you have given to Me, Stephen and our families. I can not find the words to properly thank you all enough. I am overwhelmed with how much you all have cared for us, loved on us, and prayed for us during this most difficult time. My prayer throughout this whole trial has been that I would shine the light of Christ, and that I would live to be a blessing for life. Even in the midst of great pain, I can still have joy, because I know that the Lord is my rock and my strength. He alone is the one who gives us strength for each day. Although I am deeply missing my sweet baby, I know that she is with her maker, and that I will see her again some day in His timing. I praise God that I can echo the words of Job 1:21 that says, “The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD." Addison Lynn’s short life of just 6 days, has impacted my life in so many wonderful ways, and I long to see her precious face again some day. Lord, thank-you for the time we had with our baby girl. Thank-you for giving her to us for 6 short days here on the earth, but also thank-you for the 9 months I was able to enjoy her in my womb. I love you so much Father, and I pray that I would come forth as gold after I am refined by the fire. Oh how I long to see your face Lord, and to be with my little Addison again! Thank-you for all that you have done for me, and for the blessing I have received in being a Mother. You are truly faithful and Your will and plan for my life is the best, and is more than I can hope for or imagine. In Your name I pray…Amen. In closing I would like to share the words of a song that has spoken to my heart, and it is truly the desire of my heart to express this to the Lord.
The song is, “You are still Holy” by Kim Hill and it goes like this,
“Holy, You are still holy
Even when the darkness surrounds my life
Sovereign, You are still sovereign
Even when confusion has blinded my eyes
Lord, I don't deserve Your kind affection
When my unbelief has kept me from Your touch
I want my life to be a pure reflection
Of Your love
And so I come into Your chamber
And I dance at Your feet, Lord
You are my Savior
And I'm at Your mercy
All that has been in my life
Up 'til now
It belongs to You
You are still holy
Holy, You are still holy
Even though I don't understand Your ways
Sovereign, You will be sovereign
Even when my circumstances don't change
Lord, I don't deserve your tender patience
When my unbelief has kept me from Your truth
I want my life to be a sweet devotion
To You
And so I come into Your chamber
And I dance at Your feet, Lord
You are my Savior
And I'm at Your mercy
All that has been in my life
Up 'til now
It belongs to You
I belong to You
And so I come into Your chamber
And I dance at Your feet
You are my Savior
And I'm at Your mercy
All that has been in my life
Up 'til now
It belongs to You
I belong to You
You are still holy
You are still sovereign
You are still holy, Lord
You are still righteous
You are all-knowing
You are still holy
Dearest friends and family, I am encouraged to say that even in the midst of great trial, and pain, the Lord is still on His throne. He is without a doubt, holy, sovereign and righteous…
Praise be to God forever and ever…Amen.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

~A-D-D-I-S-O-N~ ~L-Y-N-N~

Addison isn't even here yet,but I've been thinking of what she will be like,and these are just some of the things that come to mind...:)

A dorable
D elicate
D addy's princess
I ncredible
S weet
O ne of a kind
N ice

L ittle blessing
Y oung woman after God's own heart (is what I pray she will be someday)
N ever afraid to laugh,smile or cry (Her Mommy isn't afraid to do any of those!) :)
N ew bundle of joy

D esire of my heart
E ncouraging to all around her
A lways our baby girl
S o small,yet such a BIG JOY
O ne CUTE girl
N ever ending blessing

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

38 weeks pregnant...

Just a few of the many things I've been thinking about this week regarding my pregnancy...just thought I would share..:)

1) I can not believe I'm almost to the end! What an exciting journey this has been! I certainly feel 38 weeks pregnant! I feel like a blimp that might not stop getting bigger..:)
2) I'm SO excited to see my baby girl for the first time in person (and not via sonogram)!!
3) I feel blessed beyond measure that my childhood dream of being a "Mommy" some day is about to become a reality! God is so good,and is really giving me "the desire of my heart".
4) Stephen and I are like little kids waiting for Christmas day just a couple weeks before.. We keep talking about what Addison will be like,and we are both so excited about her special day! :)
5) Even though I have been nervous on and off about the delivery, I now have a peace about it,and I know that the Lord will be my strength and will help me get through it. I know it will all be SO worth it in the end! I keep reminding myself of Phil. 4:13 "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me."
6) I am so blessed to have such an amazing and supportive husband and family! I could not have gotten through this with out their love,prayers and support! Ultimately..I have a GOD who loves me,and is here for me 24/7,and I know I could not do this in my own strength. HE has been my comfort,and ultimate support through this journey,and I'm so blessed to be HIS child.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

The Sabbath-A Day of Rest

Today is truly a "Day of Rest" for me. I was wanting to go to church today,and had every intention of doing so last night,but when I woke up this morning, I felt so sore,achy and tired with lots of head pressure/& a bad headache. (It's been rainy all weekend,and I think that's messing with my allergies) I'm also exhausted,and I think it's because I'm 2 weeks away from my due date! I decided that today would be a good day to really rest so I will feel better tomorrow,and can face my last week of work before I take my "maternity break" for the summer. I've got mixed emotions about this next week,because it will be my last time (for a while) to spend time with Meghan. I'm so excited about Addison's arrival,and am so looking forward to spending the summer with her,and not have to worry about work,but I will also miss little Meghan. She is getting so big! I plan on going to visit her,Chris,Sarah and Susan often,because I'm going to miss them! I've been thinking about "Motherhood" a lot,and have been praying and hoping that I will be a Godly "Mommy" to Addison,and that I will be the best I can be for her. Jeremiah 29:11-13 keeps coming to mind. It says, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you says the LORD,thoughts of peace and not of evil,to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon ME and go and pray to ME,and I will listen to you. And you will seek ME and find ME,when you search for ME with all your heart." Those verses have been so encouraging to me,because I know that the Lord has my life in HIS hands,and that no matter what, I can go to Him,and seek Him with all my heart,and I will find Him. He will give me the wisdom I need to be a good Mom,I just need to seek Him with all my heart. I hope that all of you are enjoying your "Day of Rest" and,that You will seek HIM with all your heart now and always. That's the pray of my heart for my self,and for you as well. Have a wonderful Lord's day!
P.S-I put that picture up,because it looks so calm and peaceful,and reminded me of how "rest" is calm and peaceful...

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Starting Over

I have decided it's time to start over in the "blog posting" area of my life...;) I opened this blog account back in August and never kept up with it...sooo today is the day I decided I will "start over",and I deleted all the old post,and I'm starting from scratch again..:) I think it will be a good way to keep everyone (especially my family who is SO far away) posted on what's happening with our I will TRY VERY HARD to keep it updated this time!'s the "first" blog post. Hope it was worth your time,and that the others to come will be worth reading too. ;)