Well, a LOT sure has happened since last time (at ~10 Months~) that I wrote on the blog. A lot of emotions (of every kind) to deal with in the last couple months. I really feel awful for not being able to "slow down" and take time to do the 11 month anniversary post and the 12 month anniversary post until now...but not only have I been really busy..I just haven't been able to find the words to say..because honestly I am at a loss..so I am going to TRY hard to catch you all up on what's going on..and TRY hard to find the words to say (since I'm not good with words). This is going to be a LONG one...buckle your seat belt. ;)
In the last post...I wrote about our journey of grief up until the 10th month,I wrote about a tax situation we were having with claiming Addison(like we were legally supposed to),and I wrote about being excited to become an Aunt for the first time,and how we were anxious to find out if we were having a niece or a nephew,and also being ready for Landon to be here healthy and safe.
Well.... I will get to the grief part of the post soon.. but I must report that the tax situation was worked out! The Lord IS faithful and answers prayers, and Addison's identity wasn't stolen, we were able to claim her (like we were legally supposed to do),and it was just a small online tax return mistake, and someone had accidentally entered their child's social wrong (so it looked like they were trying to claim Addison). Praise the LORD that it was all resolved! That was a long,scary and frustrating situation, but the Lord got us through it,and we are grateful.
NEXT...as many of you are well aware (and have seen many pictures!)We became the PROUD Aunt & Uncle to a NEPHEW, John Thomas Miller on February 28th 2011 at 11:57 p.m!!! He weighed 7lbs. 15 oz., and was 21 in. long. What an exciting,and special time for us to hold our HEALTHY nephew who we had prayed for and longed to see for 9 whole months. He is a miracle. The cord was wrapped around his neck when he was born and we are so thankful the doctor decided to do an emergency c-section to get him out sooner due to his heart rate suddenly dropping..and then after they got him out, they saw the cord around his neck and were relieved they got him when they did. We are thankful for the Lord's watch care and protection over John Thomas. We are very blessed to have him in our lives,and we don't know what we would do without him..he is just so wonderful..and so much of a blessing. We love that little guy to pieces,and can't get enough of him!!!:)
The next BIG event was the birth of our son, Landon Michael Deason! We are SO thrilled he is here healthy and safe,and we thank the Lord for him each day! As you all know (and have also seen MANY pictures!),Landon was born exactly 1 month after his cousin,John Thomas on March 28th 2011 at 5:38 p.m weighing 7lbs. 12oz. and was 21 in. long. He is also a miracle, and we are so very thankful and grateful for him. The Lord was watching out for him,and brought him to us safely. We are so thankful for the Lord's watch care and protection over him as well.
A couple months after losing Addison, we were very,very blessed to find out she would be a big sister in heaven, and we knew the whole 9 months of my pregnancy with Landon that the Lord had blessed us with yet another miracle..and we were thrilled. It wasn't until after Landon was born that we realized just how much of a huge miracle he really is... We found out during the C-Section that my uterus was so thin that the doctor could see Landon moving and his hair... They told us afterwards that it was a miracle my uterus didn't rupture earlier on in the pregnancy causing me to go in to labor sooner than 2 & 1/2 weeks early which could have caused Landon to die from the rupture. The doctor came to check on me the next day after Landon was born..he sat down at the foot of the bed next to me with tears in his eyes,choked up trying to find the words..he told me, "I'm so glad he is here..and he is healthy and safe.. I was really scared when I saw your uterus..and I am so glad that he made it the whole 9 months without a rupture. He is a miracle..." It was very devastating to hear the news about my uterus right after the joy of having a healthy baby..it's not something you want to think about...having to deal with the news that you might not be able to have any more children. Since Landon has been born..we have had to talk with the OB doctor and nurse,and also get 2 other opinions,and have had to pray a lot about our future regarding more children. The Lord has given us a peace about it..but we are not able to have any more children because of medical purposes. This has been very,very hard to deal with so soon after having Landon...because with Addison not being here..it's hard that Landon is alone,and it's something that we never expected to deal with. We don't understand why the Lord has directed our lives to go this way..but we are trusting in Him to comfort us and get us through this trial. It's hard to go through several different trials all at the same time..and we don't understand, but we know that the Lord says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth,so are my ways higher than your ways,and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9 And we know that, "All things work together for good to them that love God, to them that are called according to HIS purpose." Romans 8:28 We realize that we are very blessed with two beautiful children, Addison Lynn in heaven that Jesus loves and holds for us,and Landon Michael that is here with us to love and hold, and we are thankful for these two special miracles... We also realize that we could have never even been able to have any children..but we are thankful that it was part of the Lord's plan. We know that someday we would like to adopt so that Landon can have more brothers and sisters,and we are praying for patience in waiting to see what the Lord does with our future,and we are praying for Him to open the doors if that's meant to be in His timing.
I am SO very thankful for both of my precious children...and I am so blessed and honored to be chosen by the Lord to be Addison Lynn and Landon Michael's Mommy.
It's so hard to believe that on April 25th 2011, Addison celebrated her 1st birthday in heaven with Jesus. The week of April 25th - April 30th was a really hard week being her 1 yr. anniversary week.. We are thankful for the love,prayers,support,flowers,and sweet text and e-mails that we received during that week..and we are blessed to have such wonderful families who love us so much and who are there for us 24/7.
Flowers from my dear Boss & Friend in honor of Addison, and to let me and Stephen know she was thinking of us and praying for us... She is so sweet.
Flowers from Uncle Thomas & Aunt Rachel in memory of Addison. They have been such an encouragement and blessing to Stephen and I, but especially over the last year. We are thankful for our families..and their support.
We took flowers to the graveside,and had some family time to celebrate Addison's life,and the blessing that she was and is to us.
It was a bittersweet time...being at her graveside and having a healthy baby boy in my arms.. It was hard. We just wished she could have been with us so we wouldn't have to go through that.. but we know she must have had the most wonderful celebration in heaven.
We are thankful that we were not walking the same road with Landon...that the Lord protected him..and gave him to us safely. The last year has taught me so much...it has been very painful..and very hurtful..very difficult from losing Addison and very exciting and joyful at the same time with the birth of my nephew and son. We are amazed at the Lord's continued comfort and healing during the 1st year of losing Addison..and we are thankful for the scripture that He has used to comfort us. Here are just a few that come to mind...
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 51:11
"Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him." 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’[a] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4
The Lord has also used many, many songs to encourage us as well... It's so neat how He brings scripture and song lyrics to mind to calm my hurting heart... It is a special thing to feel the Love and comfort of the Lord during such a difficult time. We will always remember Addison and be thankful for her short, sweet life, and we will always be grateful to the Lord that he gave her to us. We thank you all from the bottom of our hearts for your love,prayers and support over the last year..and we appreciate your continued prayers for us. Please pray that we will continue to walk through our trials in obedience to the Lord,and that He would find us faithful. We pray that we will be a blessing to all He leads us to share Him with and the hope that we have in Him. It's so hard to trust the Lord and His plan for us..but we want to be obedient and trust Him not matter what just as we have this past year.. We want to continue to be faithful to Him,as He is faithful to us. "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." Romans 8:18 We are looking forward to the "big picture" being revealed someday..and we pray that when the Lord shows it to us..that He would be pleased with how we have gone through the trials He entrusted us with. "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To Him be the power for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 5:10-11
"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."