Monday, February 28, 2011
The marker was put in place on Feb. 11th (just before the 10 month anniversary). I only put "artificial" flowers out at the time I went to see it, but I am hoping to go put out some fresh flowers and get more pictures when it's not so "dirty" and muddy around the marker. We are very pleased with how it turned out..and we are thankful for a way to display our testimony of Addison's short life, and pray that it brings comfort and hope to all who see it. We are so glad the marker is there...and we are so glad to have that way to honor her memory.
On Friday,February,25th, our sweet Addison turned 10 months old in heaven with Jesus.
It's SO hard to believe it's been 10 months since I had to quickly say "good bye" to my baby girl who was encased in a plastic box with all kinds of "life saving" equipment hooked up to her,as she was rushed off to Cook Children's Hospital for more extensive care, where she lived for 6 short days. It's also SO hard to believe that it's been 10 months since we had to say "good bye for now..." as we held her one last time,and told her she didn't have to fight anymore, and that she could go see Jesus..and as soon as we told her that...she was gone. I miss my baby girl terribly. I can't describe how much it hurts not having her here to be with her cousin coming tomorrow,and her little brother coming on April 7th in just a few more weeks. Oh how I wish I could "borrow" her from the Lord and from the gates of heaven for just an hour...to hold her..to love on her once more...but then I know she wouldn't trade her heavenly home and her time with Jesus for anything..and her being in heaven is the safest place for her. I just long to have her here with us..to grow up with her cousin and brother...I wish she could be a part of our lives here..and not just a part of our memory that we will never forget, however...I know I will get to see her again someday..and I can't wait for that day. Addison has changed mine and Stephen's life in so many special ways..and we are grateful for the time we had with her.. She was one special daughter, and we are so proud of the way the Lord used her and is still using her to impact other lives as well. I am so thankful for my sweet, sweet baby girl..and her short, sweet life that we were a part of for 6 days. Every month is hard...because she would be a month older if she were here..and we are getting close to 12 months..and this month has been hard in the fact that Addison and Landon's birthday's are just a couple weeks apart, and shortly after Landon is born, Addison's 1st birthday will come. It's been hard dealing with all the different emotions this month..because there are so many. I am thrilled to be an AUNT for the very first time, and to find out if I am having a niece or nephew tomorrow..it's so exciting, because Stephen and I are the last ones in our families to become and Aunt and Uncle..and we are SO thrilled to have this opportunity! Looking forward to meeting our "niecephew" and holding him or her. What a special time. At the same time I am excited and thrilled..I am sad,hurting,and overwhelmed with all the other emotions I am feeling this month. The Lord is teaching me patience with the tax situation (regarding Addison)that we are in..and that's another thing that's overwhelming..and just plain frustrating..but we know God is in control of the situation..and right now all we can do is "wait" at this point to hear back about it. The waiting part is hard for me..because it's a situation that is out of my control (and unfortunately, I tend to be a "Control freak" sometimes when it comes to things like this). It's one of those things I just wish I could "deal" with,and get it over..and figure it all out right this second..but I can't and the Lord has been teaching me to be patient and trust Him with it. There is so much going on right now.. it's a very exciting time..a very difficult time for me,and also overwhelming time..and I am thankful for this time with family. There is so much more I would like to say...my heart is heavy. I just think I would like to close with scripture that was read at Addison's funeral. It is very encouraging to me to read this and reflect on our journey of grief..and I am praying that the Lord would continue to give me the strength to TRUST Him completely, and that He would continue to comfort me during my grief. I am so thankful for all of our friends and family and your continued love,prayers and support. We really appreciate it.
Here is the chapter I will close with... it's:
"1 How lovely is Your tabernacle,
O LORD of hosts!
2 My soul longs, yes, even faints
For the courts of the LORD;
My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.
3 Even the sparrow has found a home,
And the swallow a nest for herself,
Where she may lay her young—
Even Your altars, O LORD of hosts,
My King and my God.
4 Blessed are those who dwell in Your house;
They will still be praising You.
5 Blessed is the man whose strength is in You,
Whose heart is set on pilgrimage.
6 As they pass through the Valley of Baca (or weeping),
They make it a spring;
The rain also covers it with pools (or blessings).
7 They go from strength to strength;
Each one appears before God in Zion.
8 O LORD God of hosts, hear my prayer;
Give ear, O God of Jacob!
9 O God, behold our shield,
And look upon the face of Your anointed.
10 For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
Than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
The LORD will give grace and glory;
No good thing will He withhold
From those who walk uprightly.
12 O LORD of hosts,
Blessed is the man who trusts in You!"
May my strength and trust continue to be in Him...and may this journey bring a blessing to many for His glory...