~6 Months~

You can click on the pictures to see a larger size..it's hard to see what I wrote on them..


Well..today is a day that I was looking forward to since before Addison was born, because it would mark the 6 month of her life...and I was so looking forward to seeing what she would be like at 1 month,2,3,4,5, and 6 months, and then a year..and so on. That was before I knew I would be dreading this day of her turning 6 months old in heaven... I had no idea..that she wouldn't be here with us, for us to raise..and watch her grow into a Godly lady. I had no idea that my dreams of bringing her home wouldn't come true.. I am glad that the Lord doesn't show us His full plan before it happens, because I wouldn't have been ok with Him taking her to heaven. If I had known what would happen..I would have written a different story and given it to the Lord to make happen. I don't like how my story is going right now...I don't like the fact that I don't have a baby in my arms, a baby to raise, to fill my time with...in fact...it's the worst thing that's happened to me..ever. You know what? It's not my story...it's HIS story..and I am learning to be thankful that He is the writer of my story, because in letting Him write my story..He will get more glory that way..and I want it that way. Yes, I wish things could be different...I wish I could go back to April 25th, 2010 and go into labor all over again..if it only meant that I could have a healthy baby girl, Addison Lynn to take home with me...but I can't. I can't..and I won't be able to erase what God has already written for me... a beautiful in His eyes story. The story that is shaping who I am..and the story that I will tell forever. He is still scripting the beautiful story of mine, and you know what? He's not finished with me yet. I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful that He is not done with my story,because over the past 6 months He has given me comfort during the difficult chapters of my book. If He had only allowed Addison to die, and then leave me and not help me through this time..I wouldn't know what to do. I would be hurting all alone..with NO comfort from the ONLY one who CAN comfort! It would be horrible to try and piece all this together on my own...but that's not how it is. He has been there for me, and He continues to be here for me. He is bringing comfort and peace to my worn out, broken heart and soul, and I'm so thankful He understands my heart like no one else can or ever will. My Savior understands hurt and pain..and no one else knows me like He does. The last 6 months have been extremely difficult to say the least. Many things have happened with my story, and it's been hard to let the Lord have the glory for it all. Sometimes..I just want to hide away..and not have to open up and share about it..and then the Lord tells me to do differently. There are days when people ask about my family, and how many kids I have..and sometimes I honestly feel like I don't want to explain, because it hurts..but then other times..I just want to share about Addison..because I can't talk about her without pointing to Christ who is getting me through this each day. I am thankful for my story..even though it's painful..I'm thankful that I can share Christ with others through what has happened to me. It's very hard...and the last few weeks..I have just been overwhelmed by the grief. Sometimes..it just hits me like it did right when it happened..and I feel so lonely and hurt..and the only thing I can do is run to the Lord..and ask Him to comfort me. He is giving me strength to endure...and press on..and I can't do it without Him. I'm so glad that, "In the day when I cried out, YOU answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul. Psalm 138:3" He really does answer me and give me a bold strength when I call on Him.. "This is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior, all the day long!" I would like to express my deepest gratitude for all of you who have loved on us and cared for us during this time. Without your prayers, love and support we couldn't survive..and ultimately without the Lord's help and strength..but you all have encouraged us. Thanks so much for loving us like Jesus would. Casting Crowns has a song called, "Love Them Like Jesus" and one of the verses really hits home to me. Not only can I relate to the verse, but it expresses how I feel about those of you who have truly cared for us..

The gifts lie in wait, in a room painted blue
Little blessing from Heaven would be there soon
Hope fades in the night, blue skies turn to grey
As the little one slips away

You’re holding their hand, you’re straining for words
You’re trying to make sense of it all
They’re desperate for hope, darkness clouding their view
They’re looking to you

Just love them like Jesus, carry them to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don’t need the answers to all of life’s questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus

Lord of all creation holds our lives in His hands
The God of all the nations holds our lives in His hands
The Rock of our salvation holds our lives in His hands
He cares for them just as He cares for you

So love them like Jesus, love them like Jesus
You don’t need the answers to all of life’s questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus

Thank-you for loving us like Jesus...

My Jesus, I love Thee, I know Thou art MINE!

I took this picture of the hibiscus this past Summer, and it just made me smile and think of God's goodness..so I wanted to share the picture...

The Lord has been teaching me so many things through my pain. I have woken up many nights restless, and go straight to His word, and with out fail, EVERY time I do He shows me something else that I really need to see. He has encouraged my aching,hurting,heavy heart, and I'm so thankful that MY Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever. He is still the same. There are SO many emotions I am feeling these days, and I am overwhelmed with grief and joy at the same time. It's hard to have both at the same time. I know that it's normal to still miss my baby girl (I always will)but have joy in my heart for the second special blessing that's on the way. A Mommy's heart will always love her children no matter what, and for me, It's loving Addison in heaven and loving the baby on the way. The days are both happy and exciting,and then also very hard and hurtful,but I am encouraged by my Lord's faithfulness to me. I want to share some scripture that the Lord has shown me recently (a friend asked if I would share some of the verses I have found with her, and I decided to put them on here so everyone could be encouraged as I was). Here is some of the scripture the Lord has been using in my life: (Be prepared to read!) :)

Let us hold fast the confession of our HOPE without wavering, for HE who promised IS faithful. Hebrews 10:23

Look to the LORD and HIS strength; seek HIS face always. Psalm 105:4

But I trust in YOUR unfailing love; my heart rejoices in YOUR salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for He has been good to me. Psalm 12:5-6

I have set the Lord always before me, because HE IS at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Psalm 16:8

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. Philippians 3:7-8

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through HIM who gives me strength. Philippians 4:12-13 (I am trying hard to live out being content in any and every situation...)

Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, but a good word makes it glad. Proverbs 12:25 (I am trying hard to keep myself in HIS word so I don't get depressed by anything.)

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by PRAYER and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God, and the PEACE of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 (I am thankful that when I pray to God, and give Him my concerns, He gives me that peace that passes all understanding..)

Be merciful to me, Oh God, be merciful to me! For me soul TRUSTS in YOU; and in the shadow of YOUR wings I will make my refuge, until these calamities have passed by. Psalm 57:1

YOU number my wanderings; put my tears into Your bottle; are they not in Your book? Psalm 56:8 (I'm thankful that the Lord takes interest in every tear we cry..I sure have shed a lot of tears, but I glad that He cares about each one..)

In the day when I cried out, YOU answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul. Psalm 138:3 (I'm so thankful for His strength!)

The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble, those who know YOUR NAME will put their TRUST in YOU; For You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You. Psalm 9:9-10 (The Lord is my refuge, and I'm so glad I have put my trust in Him..)

Hear my cry, O God; attend to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to You, when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been a shelter for me, a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; I will TRUST in the shelter of Your wings. Psalm 61:1-4 (These verses took the words right out of my mouth a few nights ago when I couldn't sleep, and it seemed like the enemy was trying to tear me down, but the Lord showed me this, and I am so glad that He does hear our prayers, and that He is our shelter.)

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit. Psalm 34:17-18 (Isn't it awesome how the Lord is "NEAR to those who have a broken heart"? I definitely have a broken heart, but He is NEAR..)

Well...those are just some of the many verses God has shown me in the last few months, and I wanted to share them with you. I hope you are encouraged as I was (and am). Each one has a special meaning to me, and the Lord showed each one to me at the times when I needed it. I'm thankful that He is my best friend, and that He loves me and shows me His truth through His word...