Slaying my GIANTS

I am up at 1:00 A.M, because the Lord has shown me some things, and we have had a special time together. Just HIM,HIS WORD,and me. I am so happy about this..I just had to get on here to share. Here it is: (get a coke,and a snack...this might be a while..) ;)

We all know the story of David & Goliath, but the Lord has used it to personally speak to me, and has opened my eyes to it in a way that He hasn't before. I will share about it below,but first, here is the summary of the story:

1 Samuel 17:49-51
17:49 -
Then David put his hand in his bag and took out a stone; and he slung it and struck the Philistine in his forehead, so that the stone sank into his forehead, and he fell on his face to the earth.
17:50 -
So David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone, and struck the Philistine and killed him. But there was no sword in the hand of David.
17:51 -
Therefore David ran and stood over the Philistine, took his sword and drew it out of its sheath and killed him, and cut off his head with it. And when the Philistines saw that their champion was dead, they fled.

The Lord showed me that my "GIANT" is the death of Addison, and that I can't let the enemy use that to "defeat" me. It's the biggest "GIANT" I have ever had to face,and yet...the Lord gives me the "stones" from his WORD,and truth that I need daily to defeat IT,and not let IT defeat me. Goliath was a HUGE guy,and I'm sure David was scared to death when he came up to Goliath and had to face him and try to kill him. The Lord gave him the strength and courage to face Goliath,and He helped him win the victory! After the Philistines saw that their "champion" was dead, they fled. When we allow the Lord to help us slay our GIANTS, the enemy will flee...

While facing the GIANT of Addison's death, I can relate to Psalm 143:3-4 that says, "The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground; he makes me dwell in darkness like those long dead. So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed." But, Psalm 73:23-26 says, "Yet I am always with You; You hold me by my right hand. You guide me with Your counsel, and afterward You will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail,but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." This is such an encouragement to me,because I am not alone while I'm facing my GIANT! The Lord is holding my right hand,and will help me fight off the GIANT! He is so good to show me these things,and I am hoping that this encourages you to seek out the GIANTS in your life,and to let the Lord uphold your right hand and help you win the battle. Don't let the enemy get you down,and defeat you! You can do all things through Christ WHO gives you strength! I don't know what GIANTS you're facing...but I do know that we serve the SAME GOD who helped David many years ago fight his GIANT,and He helped David kill him,and win the victory! I don't understand why some trials seem so much more overwhelming than others, but Ecclesiastes 11:5 says, "As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you CANNOT understand the work of God, the Maker of ALL things." I cannot understand the work of God in my life,and it's by His grace that I am where I am today. I know that Proverbs 3:5-6 says that I need to, "Trust in the Lord with all my heart,and lean not on my own understanding;In all my ways acknowledge Him,and He shall direct my path." I will never understand the "why" and the "what if's" but, I know that I need to trust Him to direct my path. I am encouraged by what He has shown me..and I hope it encourages you as well..
Psalm 119:49-50 says, "Remember Your word to Your servant, for You have given me hope. My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life." The Lord has truly given me HOPE in what seems like the darkest time of my life,and He is preserving and sustaining my life... This is not the end of my grief...I will always mourn the loss of my Addison, but knowing that I don't have to do this alone,and that the Lord is helping me to fight the enemy..helps me face each day. He is going to help me fight my GIANTS,and together..we will win the victory! Let's go fight our GIANTS with HIM by our side today...

2 Months Later...

Addison would be 2 months old today if she were here...
It seems so hard to believe that 2 months ago our baby girl was born. She changed our lives,and I will never forget the special time we had with her. I deeply miss her and long for heaven more and more each day. Addison was and is SUCH A HUGE BLESSING to me and Stephen, and we are so honored that God chose us to be her parents. She was just gorgeous..I loved every little detail about her. I feel blessed to have had such a beautiful baby girl. What a dream come true she was and is to me. I can not express what the last couple months have been like. It's just hard to believe that we are where we are today. With Addison being gone,it's been so hard for me to just "pick up" and start a new chapter of my life without her. She was my life for 9 months and 6 days...she was what I thought about daily. I thought of what she was going to be like,and what it would be like to be her Mommy. I'm so glad I was able to at least be able to see those two special things,and so much more. I got to see what she was like..just beautiful and I know what it was like to be her Mommy. It was amazing. It's something I will never forget. She is my special miracle baby,and I cherish every minute I had with her. Oh how I ache and long to see her again. The last couple months have held so much hurt,sadness and pain..but also much joy and excitement as we welcomed our baby girl into the world. I just wanted her to make it...I just thought "if only YOU would HEAL her God...she needs YOU Lord...please...please don't take my baby God...I am not ready to say bye.." It was during the week of Addison's life that I clung to the promise of the hope we have in Christ. I clung to Him and His will for our lives...I hoped for a different plan...but that's not what He wanted to happen. He had a better plan...He took her to be with Him because He loves her SO much that He wanted her to be with Him,and not here with us. He can care for her much better than we ever could. It's still hard to understand why He didn't just let us have her...but I know I can't lean on my own understanding,and that in all my ways I need to ackowledge Him,and He will give me the desires of my heart. After I realized that Addison was not going to make it (about mid week) I had a peace that God really had given me the desires of my heart. He allowed me to marry my Prince and to be a Mommy to a precious baby girl. I will never forget the day I told God that if it brought Him honor and glory to take my baby girl home to heaven that I would rest in knowing that His plan for my life is good,even though I knew it would be hard not to have her here. I told God in that hospital room while I was all alone that I really didn't want to walk this road,but it didn't seem like He had another way..and so I asked Him to give me the grace to do this...and I believe with all my heart that He alone has given me the grace I need to get through this. I'm not saying it's been easy..and that it's something that I've gotten over. It's very difficult,and is so hard not having her here..but God is really good to be here for me 24/7 and I know I can always tell Him about my hurt. He has really comforted me during this time as no one else can..and for that I am grateful. I don't derserve His love for me..and I don't deserve the grace He has shown me. I'm just a sinner saved by grace...and I'm trying to be faithful in all my ways to acknowlidge Him and His love for me. I am just wanting to do my best to serve Him faithfully until the glorious day He calls me home. I want Him to say of me, "well done thou good and faithful servant...well done." and I am looking forward to laying my crowns back at His feet...and then after I see Him face to face..I can't wait for Him to take me on the "grand tour" of heaven with Addison... That's something to look forward to...and I can't wait for that day. In the mean time..I have lots to do for Him. I have to pray every day that HE will give me the strength I need to get through the day and to serve Him faithfully even when it hurts and it's hard.. I am sad when I think of Addison not being here..and I'm still deeply hurting..but God in His mighty mercy and grace is helping to make this time of hurt and pain a sweet time of resting in Him... Please continue to pray for us..as I know you are. We really appreciate it! Continued emotional healing is of course a huge prayer request of ours..but I also need prayer for continued physical healing as well. The physical pain of recovery from a C-Section can seem unbearable to me sometimes..and then it makes my emotional pain stronger and harder to deal with. Please just pray that I wouldn't get discouraged when I hurt too badly to want to do anything...I am trying to lose all my pregnancy weight..and it's going to be a long and hard road...but I know I can do it all through Christ who strengthens me. Thank-you for praying for us daily...and thank-you for being such a blessing to us. We love you all..

Homesick for Heaven

It seems like the longer it has been since Addison went home to be with Jesus...the more and more "homesick" for heaven I get. I am longing to see Jesus now more than ever before. I long to see Him face to face and to see my baby girl again. I wish so badly that she could be here, and that this never happened...but I know that's not what God wanted for us. I'm learning so much through this difficult time, but there are days that I just wish the Lord could have taught me in a different way that's less painful. I know that HE loves me and has a plan for my life..He has already shown Himself faithful in the plans that He has already unveiled for me,and I just can't wait to see what else He will do with me. He's not finished with me yet...He's not finished with me yet..and the further on I go..I've seen enough to know that I'm not here for nothing. He's on to something good...something that I can't see,understand or plan better than what He's got planned for me. I have the Mercy Me song "Homesick" in me head...and it's really expressing my heart right now...

~Homesick~ -Mercy Me-
You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

I can't wait to see my baby girl again someday..but until that day comes..I will live to know Christ here on the earth..and to serve Him daily even though it's really hard. I know He's not finished with me yet...

1 Month Later...

It's SO hard to believe it's already been 1 month since our baby girl went home to be with Jesus. Just seems like yesterday I was going into labor in hopes that we would be bringing her home a couple days later as a strong,healthy baby. The Lord had other plans though,and took her to be with Him,and so she will grow up with her heavenly Father. She is there waiting for us to come,and she will show us all around heaven when the Lord brings us home someday. I can't wait for that day! Heaven is sweeter more and more each day,and I long to see my Savior face to face and to hug and hold Addison. She is such a blessing to me,and I am thrilled to call her my daughter. It's really hard not having her here, but I know she is having the best life there in heaven with her Maker. He is raising her far better than we ever could,and is caring for her in a way we never could. It's so neat to think that she gets to experience a very personal relationshp with Jesus that we can not understand until we get there and are with Him too. I am so glad that we can have personal relationship with Christ,because we have put our faith in Him,but I long for the even greater closeness we will have with Him someday in paradise. Addison gets to experience His love and she is now a thriving,healthy girl who now knows how much she was and is still loved. We miss her greatly,but we are so honored and privelidged to know that Jesus loves her SO much that HE wanted her to be in heaven with Him so He went ahead and took her to be with Him. It was a lot sooner than we had ever dreamed,because we dreamed of bringing her home to raise her on this earth..but how special that we were chosen by the Lord to bear this burden and let her go be with Him so soon. I could go on and on about how the Lord is sustaining us,and helping us through this time,and I could share for hours on how He has comforted us during this very difficult time,but I know you don't have enough time to read it...;) The Lord is my rock and my shield and it is through Him alone that I have the strentgh I need to get through each day. I want to share some scripture that the Lord has used to encourage me in the last several weeks and days,and I pray He will do the same for you....

Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold fast the confession of our HOPE without wavering for HE who promised IS FAITHFUL.

Hebrews 6:19
This HOPE we have as an anchor of the soul,a HOPE both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil.

Job 1:21
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Psalm 105:4
Look to the LORD and HIS strength;seek HIS face always.

Psalm 12:5-6
But I trust in YOUR unfailing love;my heart rejoices in YOUR salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for HE has been good to me.

Psalm 16:8
I have set the LORD always before me. Because HE is at my right hand,I WILL NOT be shaken.

Thank-you again for all your prayers,love and support during this time! We really appreciate it!!! You are a blessing!