~6 Months~

You can click on the pictures to see a larger size..it's hard to see what I wrote on them..


Well..today is a day that I was looking forward to since before Addison was born, because it would mark the 6 month of her life...and I was so looking forward to seeing what she would be like at 1 month,2,3,4,5, and 6 months, and then a year..and so on. That was before I knew I would be dreading this day of her turning 6 months old in heaven... I had no idea..that she wouldn't be here with us, for us to raise..and watch her grow into a Godly lady. I had no idea that my dreams of bringing her home wouldn't come true.. I am glad that the Lord doesn't show us His full plan before it happens, because I wouldn't have been ok with Him taking her to heaven. If I had known what would happen..I would have written a different story and given it to the Lord to make happen. I don't like how my story is going right now...I don't like the fact that I don't have a baby in my arms, a baby to raise, to fill my time with...in fact...it's the worst thing that's happened to me..ever. You know what? It's not my story...it's HIS story..and I am learning to be thankful that He is the writer of my story, because in letting Him write my story..He will get more glory that way..and I want it that way. Yes, I wish things could be different...I wish I could go back to April 25th, 2010 and go into labor all over again..if it only meant that I could have a healthy baby girl, Addison Lynn to take home with me...but I can't. I can't..and I won't be able to erase what God has already written for me... a beautiful in His eyes story. The story that is shaping who I am..and the story that I will tell forever. He is still scripting the beautiful story of mine, and you know what? He's not finished with me yet. I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful that He is not done with my story,because over the past 6 months He has given me comfort during the difficult chapters of my book. If He had only allowed Addison to die, and then leave me and not help me through this time..I wouldn't know what to do. I would be hurting all alone..with NO comfort from the ONLY one who CAN comfort! It would be horrible to try and piece all this together on my own...but that's not how it is. He has been there for me, and He continues to be here for me. He is bringing comfort and peace to my worn out, broken heart and soul, and I'm so thankful He understands my heart like no one else can or ever will. My Savior understands hurt and pain..and no one else knows me like He does. The last 6 months have been extremely difficult to say the least. Many things have happened with my story, and it's been hard to let the Lord have the glory for it all. Sometimes..I just want to hide away..and not have to open up and share about it..and then the Lord tells me to do differently. There are days when people ask about my family, and how many kids I have..and sometimes I honestly feel like I don't want to explain, because it hurts..but then other times..I just want to share about Addison..because I can't talk about her without pointing to Christ who is getting me through this each day. I am thankful for my story..even though it's painful..I'm thankful that I can share Christ with others through what has happened to me. It's very hard...and the last few weeks..I have just been overwhelmed by the grief. Sometimes..it just hits me like it did right when it happened..and I feel so lonely and hurt..and the only thing I can do is run to the Lord..and ask Him to comfort me. He is giving me strength to endure...and press on..and I can't do it without Him. I'm so glad that, "In the day when I cried out, YOU answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul. Psalm 138:3" He really does answer me and give me a bold strength when I call on Him.. "This is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior, all the day long!" I would like to express my deepest gratitude for all of you who have loved on us and cared for us during this time. Without your prayers, love and support we couldn't survive..and ultimately without the Lord's help and strength..but you all have encouraged us. Thanks so much for loving us like Jesus would. Casting Crowns has a song called, "Love Them Like Jesus" and one of the verses really hits home to me. Not only can I relate to the verse, but it expresses how I feel about those of you who have truly cared for us..

The gifts lie in wait, in a room painted blue
Little blessing from Heaven would be there soon
Hope fades in the night, blue skies turn to grey
As the little one slips away

You’re holding their hand, you’re straining for words
You’re trying to make sense of it all
They’re desperate for hope, darkness clouding their view
They’re looking to you

Just love them like Jesus, carry them to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don’t need the answers to all of life’s questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus

Lord of all creation holds our lives in His hands
The God of all the nations holds our lives in His hands
The Rock of our salvation holds our lives in His hands
He cares for them just as He cares for you

So love them like Jesus, love them like Jesus
You don’t need the answers to all of life’s questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus

Thank-you for loving us like Jesus...